Snow white fears

Yesterday, I had what you could call my first snow crisis since I live in Utah. 

I arrived in Utah in February 2023, during one of the longest winters this city remembers, and for THE biggest snowfall in 40 years. However, I never got to experience a snowstorm outside by myself.   

To give some context, I work until 5:15 pm and take the bus every day at 5:22 pm, to be dropped off so close to my place at 5:28, and by 5:30 pm I’m already warm and snuggled in my home. I’m really lucky because my work is close to my place, the buses connect them in 5 minutes, the bus stops are just out of both places and the timing it’s perfect for me to always be on time and never have to wait much.

But yesterday was different. The storm made everything slow and the bus schedule was absolutely crazy. By the time I got to the stop around 5:20, a bus was leaving 1 minute ago, and not because it was earlier, but because it was the previous bus that was super late. This made my usual bus 30 minutes away, and me to have to potentially wait there for the same time.

Let’s not forget we are talking of -9 Celsius degrees and snowflakes all over the air that make it look completely white and hit on your face, plus about 10 cm (4ish inches) of snow on the ground. Staying there is not an option, but walking is also a challenge.

I walked a little and found a covered spot or I would genuinely pass away and freeze because of the cold and the snow on my clothes. Somehow, I found a parking spot that kept me slightly protected, and at that moment I decided to order an Uber, which, of course, was going to take a lifetime before getting there.

Here is when my crisis came. I started crying irremediably, feeling desperate, cold and sick. I wished so badly that my best friend was there to pick me up, as he would normally do, but he was out of the state. I called my boyfriend just to have some comfort words with him on the phone but he did not pick up. I meant to call my roommate and ask her to come and get me, but she said on the group chat that a few minutes before her car had been hit, so bugging her did not seem like a good idea.

It was the lack of options that I saw at that moment that made me explode. Because that’s the thing when you find yourself in hard situations. You get paralyzed and are not able to think very clearly, even when alternatives are there. You just don’t see them and your mind is frozen, as it was almost literally my case.

After a lot of emotional self-regulating tears (let’s call them that way, lol), my mind started to get clear and I thought the best I could do was just to go back to my work, even if this meant having to walk under the storm with those 10 cm of snow under my feet. At least, I will be warm and safe.

Once I warmed up again and my mind felt clear, I understood that the thing was not a big deal. Yes, there was this horrible snowstorm, dangerous roads, slow traffic and -10 degrees, but calmly going back to my work should have been my first thought.

Instead, fear paralyzed me and blurred my mind to the point I felt like I could not find a solution.

I guess this is somehow close to a panic attack, which, by the way, I had never experienced before coming to the US, and now, with this, I can count two episodes.

Will spring make it better? Let’s hope so 🙂 

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